The story of my first single Prodigal, is a story of a detour and an unexpected discovery. A painful discovery, but a good one in the end. So often it’s the detours that take you to the most beautiful places
I’m so excited to finally start sharing tracks from my new EP with you. It’s been an amazing process to take these lyrics and melodies written in my front room and shape them into the music I can share with you now. It’s been fun and challenging, but it’s been a tough process too. It’s felt like it’s taken ages, and there have been many days where I’d given up on the idea that this would ever happen. But it did! And now I get to tell you about the first song on the EP, Prodigal!
This song actually started off as a kind of accidental detour on the way to writing another song called Concrete Heart. Concrete Heart, is about believing that love, true, real love can soften even the hardest of hearts and warm the coldest of hands. I’m releasing that one in February so you’ll have to wait a few months before you hear it (sorry). I started writing this really upbeat happy song about believing in that kind of love and then realised that I wasn’t really there yet myself. I wasn’t ready to sing about real love, warming hard hearts, because my heart was so hard. I needed space and time to get there and that’s where the first ideas for Prodigal came from.
It took me by surprise when I realised I wasn’t ready to sing that upbeat happy song. Unintentionally I’d slipped into a rhythm of life that was pulling me further and further away from who I wanted to be. And I’m not talking about careers, or relationships or anything like that. Who I was at the core of me, was growing colder and colder, and I didn’t really understand why. It wasn’t on purpose. But somehow my patience with other people was drawing thin, my focus was on me and what I wanted, not so much on helping others. I was frustrated with my supposed lack of LIFE achievements and even a little bit angry with the world for not giving me what I wanted.
It turned out that a few of my friends were feeling the same way too. A kind of numbness had taken over. Nothing was bad, or so bad to be worried about, but nothing was particularly good either. There was happiness, but it was cold and quick fading. That warm long joy was gone and we wanted it back.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had a day that’s been really busy, full of fun, good things. You’re so focused on all that’s going on, that you don’t notice you haven’t had a single thing to drink since breakfast. As soon as you realise, an overwhelming thirst suddenly takes over and everything is put on hold until you can find a glass of water. When you do, you fill it to the brim and gulp it down in one go. Then you back to the kitchen for another, and another, because you didn’t realise how thirsty you were. I think that’s a little bit how I felt, except when I went looking for water I couldn’t find any. I realised I’d been so busy with my life, so focused on me and my plans that I hadn’t stopped to take a drink. Now I was on a train in the middle nowhere with no water, and no stops scheduled for hours. Where do you go, what do you do? How do you find what you need?
That’s when I started searching, creating space to stop, to breathe, to find what I so desperately needed and that’s where this song came from.
There’s a tarmac road where a river used to be
Cold, cold ground where your fire use to burn in me
I’ve got question marks where I used to be certain
I wasted away all you gave now I’m nothing
I’ve wandered so far, can I find my way home
I don’t know where you are or how to approach you
If I could find a way to fall down
I would fall down at your feet
If I could find the words to call out
I would say you’re all I need
Is it true that broken hearts find open arms at Calvary?
I’m gonna find a way to fall down, find away to fall down at your feet
We used to be so close everything was just you and me
Then I stepped back to prove that I could be something
When did that crack turn into a canyon?
I can’t bridge this gap there no sense in trying